Some thoughts

“Conflict is the primary engine of creativity and innovation.”

Ronald Heifetz.


...and thus, the blog returns. For how long, no one can predict. For now, enjoy.

I started this Blog initially as a way for me to let people know of my adventures in America. Once they became less of an adventure and more of a lifestyle, the blog fell to the wayside, unused and outdated. There was no conflict in my life, so there was nothing to talk about. The days were similar, and life was chugging along nicely.

As i'm sure most of you know by now, this has changed in recent weeks. My proverbial boat has been rocked and I am feeling the effects of it. I now have conflict in my life, and so the urge to Blog has returned.

The more I say it, the harder it is for me to believe. "She broke up with me". We have been out of contact for a week or so now, and it all seems so surreal. Something that you thought would always be there suddenly disappears, leaving a void in your life and creating a new social etiquette and awkward conversations with people that really didn't know the situation. I don't wanna run around yelling about how I am recently single, looking for sympathy, but at the same time I don't want to pretend that everything is ok. How are you supposed to act?

I am more neutral about the whole thing than I thought I would be. I'm surprising myself. I know i am normally a pretty relaxed person - It takes a lot to get me upset or angry. But I am dealing with this in a very odd way. My emotions are right below the surface, so I look and act fine, but the smallest stupidest little thing might get me upset. For example, on the way home from school last week, i looked out the bus window and saw a black cat running across this huge snowdrift. All of a sudden I felt so bad for the cat, being out in the cold and probably not knowing where to go because of all the snow changing the terrain. My eyes welled up and I felt TERRIBLE. (I'm actually starting to well up again writing this...) I know it is ridiculous and completely unfounded, but perhaps that's how I'm dealing with this whole thing. Passing the emotion i should be feeling about the breakup towards arbitrary things like a cat out for a nighttime stroll, or a cleverly worded emotional song... Self preservation I guess.

Anyways, i'll try and keep this updated for those of you who care about me and want to know whats going on in my head, without having to make an awkward phone call or something.

- A.J. I still expect you to call me!

Keep it safe guys.

Jamie
Veg
Dunch

To give vent now and then to his feelings, whether of pleasure or discontent, is a great ease to a man's heart. ~Francesco Guicciardini